Rant # 4


While this is my first written rant against computers, I doubt it will be the last. My entire life I have had trouble with computers. It is almost as if I have been cursed with a fatal touch of death when it comes to them. In one day I caused four different computers to hang themselves. I await the day in which mankind joins with me as they did in both The Matrix and I, Robot as we destroy all computer life on the planet. Actually they weren't really destroying all computer life, but we were close enough. I guess my biggest problem with computers is that I need them more than I need my hourly shot of Buprenorphine. So then when they freeze on me or turn off and won't come back on, or the fan spins and putters then makes some huge noise I start to cry. Cry like a baby who has just been taken to the second star on the right and straight on till morning. Which if you know anything about space travel is completely terrifying especially when your final destination involves never growing up and fighting pirates.


Yikes! Ok the above picture was supposed to be peter pan's neverland, but I guess this picture will work just in a far more creepy way. To better document my feelings on computers I have written a poem.

Ode to my computer

Nay a year old
But you are bold
Bold enough to destroy my life
Bold enough to create great strife
Never on when I call
How I want to smash you into a wall
The pain I feel from your weakness
Has nothing to do with my own meekness
You shut down for hours
I can do nothing in my powers
To bring you back
Oh there are so many things you lack
I press the power button time and time again
But you never ever will win
Because soon my fatefilled friend I will destroy you
But not only a little oh no you time is due
For we will dance in the halls of the greats
As I throw you head first into crates
The bat I chose for your undoing
Will be perfect for the guts your spewing
The time of pain will be over for me
For I will destroy you with merciless glee
Soon is another computer that will come unto me
Brought together are we by destiny
He will be faster wiser and better
But can anything beat you oh I let her
For tonight you shall be thrown from a tower
And the moment before you will cower
Before my might
Before this night
Before my right
I will toss you down from heaven on high
Back to the pits of hell to which you will lie
Back to evil from which you came
Back back all the same
You foul beast never connecting right
You foul beast this is your last night
The ways to destroy are far to vast
But this writing can not last
Your slowing down your going to choke
A final line and then your broke



Back to the rant home page

Home | Comment | Contact