Rant # 3
Have you ever been in a relationship in which the other person seemed nice and kind, then ripped off their mask to reveal themselves as the great Leader of the Damned. Well it's happened to me on 18 occasions which not only scared me but made me wonder where Satan got all the free time. Here are five warning signs that your significant other is none other than the morning star himself.
5) Drinks the blood of the innocent.
4) Gets angry at things you do but they can still do
3) Was shot in the head six times yet still survived
2) Watches Living with Martha Stewart everyday
And Here is the number one warning sign that your significant other is Satan.
1) Controls all your actions through delicious manipulation
So I was with this person who always had to play the I'm in control game. Which (excluding leather and chains) is not cool. At first it's simple things like. "Oh honey can you get me a drink." But then it gets bigger and bigger till they can control all your actions like you're a French marionette puppet. And yes I said French because that's even worse. (I apologize to all the French reading, I was actually born in France and lived there for 343 years. Great country.) So then it gets to a point where you start playing little games to try and get back some of your power.
"Ok goodnight dear I'm going to go to sleep now."
"But I'm not going to sleep yet stay up with me."
"But I haven't slept in three days."
And then they do this whimpering thing which if they were really pretty would work but since they have wings and fire shooting out of their eyes sorta actually scares you and causes you to throw up. But what’s even worse is when you said walking around these people and the second you're in sight you are forced into some sort of labor.
"Hey the kitchen is dirty." Which for those of you who don't speak bitch translates as. "You get in the kitchen right now and clean up. I can't believe you wouldn't have thought ahead. I had lunch and I can't be expected to pick up after myself. I have to do my nails. You're a moron and I need more money." Or something like that.
So my current plan is the next person I'm about to date or talk to I am going to bring the Ghostbusters with me and they can test her for levels of Demon. And if it's anything between 98% and 85% I'm going for it. (I heard once there was a girl in South Sudan with an under 85% demon level, but it's more of a legend then anything) In conclusion who am I gonna call? Well you can answer that one if you have an IQ over 6 and can breathe.
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